WHICH DOG ARE YOU FEEDING?
“Inside of me, there are two dogs. One is mean and evil and the other is good and they fight each other all the time. When asked which one wins, I answer, the one I feed the most”
It’s been a rough couple weeks of a struggle for me. This isn’t new or surprising to me. While on my journey to living an authentic purpose-filled life, I have had many points where I feel like I get stuck. The next step seems too big, too scary, just too much. This inevitably leads me to question whether this path is right for me. Am I truly meant to get out of accounting and become the self-employed entrepreneur that I feel I am supposed to? During these times, my evil dog comes out with a vengeance. I can feel the condescending laughter now as it berates me for thinking that I could ever be strong enough to persevere out of these endless cycles let alone reach the goals that I had set out for myself. Before my healing journey started, this dog used to run my life. He was huge, powerful, and kept me hiding in my safe little comfort zone. I could still hear its criticism inside the comfort zone, but as long as I stayed in this tiny little cage never getting too close to the outside perimeter, I wouldn’t have to experience it in full force. After all of the internal work I have done these past couple of years, my evil dog is much smaller. He can still pack a punch, especially because he has no problem coming out when you least expect it. When I start to feel myself being beaten down by him, I feel my good dog come out. He’s like a strong powerful beacon of light. He does not fight my battles for me but instead stands firmly by my side offering a very calming and loving presence. I can choose whether I get up and move forward another step with the good dog, stay on the ground between the two of them, or retreat from whence I came. It’s always my choice, and it’s a choice that each and everyone one of us is faced with. Some days, I stay seated on that ground longer than I wish to admit. However, when I take that time to reflect on how far I have come and how much better I feel, I know that turning back is not an option for me. I have grown too much to be able to fit back in that small cage. I don’t know what lies ahead for me, but I know that I can’t sit on this ground between the two of them forever because indecision is also a choice to stay the same. I refuse to go back to the person that I used to be. Even though it sucks that I didn’t reach my goal for my business in the time frame I set forth, I am standing up, brushing off the disappointment of this setback, and moving forward with my good dog at my side.
Ironically, I had already been debating about writing this blog post when something happened this morning that sealed the deal for me 😊. Have you ever had one of those days where everything that you do seems wrong? Today has been one of those days. My scheduled alone time for the week was disrupted with a sick child, I spilled my tea all over the floor, and while struggling to get fire lit in our fireplace I somehow managed to step on one of our kid’s pointy toys. As I lay on the couch with sounds of annoyance and pain pouring from my mouth, my very empathetic 5-year-old daughter crawls beside me and starts tearing up herself. “Mom, are you okay? Mom, if the fire is being that hard to start, why don’t you just give up? We don’t have to have it.” Yep, we went there. I gave her a big hug and told her exactly what she needed to hear, “I know we don’t need it, but we all enjoy lazy Sunday afternoons hanging out in front of our fireplace. Don’t you enjoy playing down here as a family on days like today?” She nods her head in an affirmative. “Sometimes, if the things we are trying to accomplish are important to us, we need to stick with it no matter how difficult achieving them can be.” If any of you feel like your evil dog is winning, please remember to fill yourself with more self-love, patience, compassion, kindness, etc. These feed your good dog. Don’t give up on your dreams. Obstacles will inevitably come between you and your dreams, push through the discomfort and setbacks because I can promise you that you will always wonder what might have been if you give up too soon.
Love,
Yara Rose