BE AUTHENIC, LEAD BY EXAMPLE

My son is one of the sweetest little boys that I have ever met, although to be fair I am a bit biased in that statement. He is a typical rambunctious little seven-year-old. If you ask him for a hug, you better be prepared to get an elbow to the face or a knee to the gut as he literally throws himself at you, to give you the fastest hug he can before running off to do the next thing. He loves sports, farming, working hard with his dad outside, and of course playing. Yet, he is also perfectly fine playing princess cupcake board games with his younger sister to make her happy. He’s the first one to offer his assistance to an adult that has their hands full. When he was five years old, he went off to kindergarten excited to meet new friends to play with. Not long after starting school, he stopped wanting to wear any of his new Paw Patrol t-shirts. When I questioned him on it, he said that the kids at school made fun of them because only babies like Paw Patrol. I remember thinking to myself that I couldn’t believe that this kind of behavior started in kindergarten already. I thought he’d have a couple of years yet to be his free-spirited self before the bullying mentality started. Boy, was I wrong! By the end of kindergarten, he had stopped wearing any shirt that had slogans or pictures of anything on them. We had already received a phone call from the principal that he had been hit across the back with a stick at recess. When I asked family, friends, and acquaintances for advice, I received the stereotypical, “You need to stop coddling him and have him toughen up.” Toughen up? Concerned by my son’s first year experience in the public-school system and the advice that I had received, I expressed them to my therapist to see if he had any recommendations for how to navigate this previously unexplored terrain. He sadly said that he was not surprised. According to my therapist, the only two emotions that are okay for men to freely express are anger and horniness. Otherwise, they are taught from a young age to stuff any other emotions because it’s unacceptable for them to show anything else. He recommended that I read, “I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression” by Terrence Real. He said to read it and to keep my mama bear protective instincts because if I follow the advice to “toughen” my son up, he’ll just be another story in this book. The book was eye opening. Frankly, I believe everyone in society should read it. We should all teach our kids to be loving and accepting of who they are and who other people are just the way that they are. We should celebrate each child’s uniqueness instead of telling them to conform to society’s standards. I’m asking all of you reading this right now to consider for a moment how different life could be if everyone accepted each other just as we truly are. Could you imagine how peaceful and freeing that would be to be celebrated for your individuality and not criticized for it or worse to change a part of yourself? I believe that change can start small and spread quickly and widely. It only takes a small spark to start a blazing forest fire. I’m asking you to join me in being this change in the world. Live your life authentically, which will ultimately teach your children to live life authentically. Your kids look to for guidance on how to behave. I know it sounds crazy, but when you let yourself live life authentically, you radiate like a star in the night sky. People will be drawn to you and wonder what you are doing differently. I’d also encourage you to start seeing people differently. I don’t know about you, but I would take a life full of interesting and amazing people rather than where everyone acts and does things exactly the same every day all day long. We can make a difference!

I haven’t figured out how to handle this yet with my son completely. I am going to remind him every day about how much we love him and to build his confidence in himself up. That way when others try to tear him down, he’ll stand tall. I can guarantee you one thing; I will never ever tell my son to toughen up and behave a certain way to fit in with everyone else.

Love,

Yara Rose