SUICIDE: THE UGLY SIDE OF MENTAL ANGUISH
This is honestly the hardest blogpost that I have written. I have grappled with myself about whether I should address the topic of suicide or not. I know that it may lower some people’s opinions of me as far as my ability to be a good life coach. I also know that it is a big break from the normally upbeat posts. Suicide is something to take seriously and that can be extremely devastating for all involved. However, I feel that to be truly authentic, I needed to put this out there.
I just completed listening to the audiobook, “Life After Suicide” by Jennifer Ashton M.D. No, I haven’t lost anyone close to me to suicide, thankfully! However, when I heard Dr. Ashton speaking about it on a podcast, I felt drawn to give it a read. With my ultimate goal of being able to help people heal, I felt that this book could offer valuable insights. I was not disappointed. Dr. Jennifer Ashton was very vulnerable in this book while she discussed the difficulties of coping with the death of a family member that had died by their own volition. The part that most surprised me though was how society treats the families of the people that are left behind in the quake of this tragedy. It made me feel ashamed at my own response when a co-worker a couple year’s back had lost his child to suicide. I was only 22-year-old and hadn’t had any previous experience with suicide, so I’m going to cut myself a little bit of slack here. I had no idea what to say to this co-worker when he came back to work. I knew platitudes wouldn’t offer any comfort. I honestly can’t remember if I said anything at all, besides maybe a, “I’m sorry, welcome back to the office”. There are no magic words that can be said to erase the pain that these families are going through. I think it just goes back to being a compassionate person that lets them know that you are there if they should need anything no matter how small or insignificant it is. The loss of a loved one is very difficult under normal circumstances; the last thing these families need is other people judging them and seeing them differently than any other family that is going through a difficult time. Why are suicide deaths treated differently? To the family that is left behind, they still lost someone that was very close to them.
Why is a mental illness treated differently from a disease like cancer? Frankly, I view mental illness as a disease like anything else. I’ve had severe depression/anxiety; I know how isolating and hopeless these emotions can be to a person’s psyche. There were days when I thought that ending my own life would be the best thing for everyone. If you don’t think that the thought of ending my life never crossed my mind during that rough period, you’d be crazy. When you are in that much pain, the last thing that you feel like doing is getting up in the morning again and doing another day… just like the last one. It feels as though you’re drowning and no matter what you do, you can’t keep your head from continuously falling below the water. After a while, you start to wonder why you keep battling to keep it up. The idea of just giving up and giving in becomes rather appealing. I can guarantee that if a person that committed suicide gave any thought at all to their loved ones, they felt that the loved ones would be better off without them around to drag them down. That’s what it felt like for me anyway. I would finish with yet another grueling day and start my drive home in the dark with my head pounding. I know that when I would get home, I’d have kids to help take care of, household items to take care of, and a frazzled husband that was trying to carry the load but also was exhausted. It felt like there was no end in sight, my future was desolate, and I just didn’t know if I could do it again. I would look at a sturdy overpass and start to wonder if everyone would be better off if I just wasn’t around anymore. When I’d get home, I’d be cranky and in pain, so I’d fight with my husband which would inevitably result in our young children crying. On extremely difficult days, I would watch my 3-year-old daughter yell at her babies for being too loud or naughty and threaten to put them in the corner. I knew that she was just mimicking my behavior and I would again wonder if maybe I was doing more harm to this family than good. After too many days of this, I knew that I was going to need to go outside of my comfort zone and get professional help. I wasn’t going to be able to get through this period in time on my own and I knew that life had to change. I couldn’t go on the way that it was or I wasn’t going to make it. The thing is though, I knew that I had people that I could reach out to. I had family and friends that I felt comfortable talking to about things when life was spinning out of control. There are too many people in this world that feel all alone and don’t feel like they have anyone that they can turn to for help. There are too many people that feel asking for help from anyone especially a therapist is a sign of weakness, so they refuse to pursue that option. They keep thinking that one day it’s just going to turn around and they’ll get through it. However, if they aren’t taking the steps to change their reality, it doesn’t get better. It doesn’t turn around and eventually they lose all hope and fighting to stay above the water no longer has any appeal, so they stop fighting. According to the CDC, there is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes. Also, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24-year-old Americans. These are heartbreaking truths that our world faces today. If anyone reading this is spiraling downwards, please seek help immediately. It’s not too late, and I promise things do get better. Because I got help, my family’s life has changed drastically for the better. My daughter is “reading” stories to me and her toys about how it’s okay to be angry or sad because everyone has emotions and you just need to take deep breathes and process them. It’s okay to be unique, as well, you are still a valuable person. Young children are like mirrors, they mimic the behavior that they see. It brings unexplainable joy and gratitude to see this change in my daughter’s behavior with her toys. I am beyond words for how grateful I am that I received help.
Remember, you are not alone. This world is full of amazing people that are willing and able to help those out that are going through difficult times.
Love,
Yara Rose