WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
When I first searched the internet for the best definition of forgiveness, I felt the standard dictionary.com definition of “the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven” left a lot to be desired. So instead, I have the following three quotes that resonated with me.
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”
Not surprisingly, my perspective on judgment, condemnation, forgiveness has changed a great deal in the past couple of years. I used to collect all of the painful memories, times when I’d felt that I’d been wronged, to wrap around myself like a piece of armor. They served as a reminder of the injustices that were done to me and never to let those particular people or circumstances get close enough to hurt me that deeply again. By the time I embarked on my spiritual growth and self-discovery journey in 2018, I had been hurt so deeply by so many people that my armor was very thick, and not many people were still allowed to slip passed it. I have no doubts that this played a role in my feelings of isolation and contributed to the severe depression that I had at the time. I’ve said this many times, and I’ll most likely continue saying it for many years to come, had I known then what I know now about the dangers of trapping, suppressing, repressing, the emotions, thoughts, feelings inside of us; I would never have done so. These were not concepts that I was ever taught until I took it upon myself to dig deeper into my self-discovery mission for the truth. Even after learning about the damage stuck energies in your physical and energetic bodies creates, it was still a long time before I was willing to open myself up to the topic of forgiving those that I had perceived had wronged me. I had carried around this armor for so long, and I had a pretty good idea of how painful it was going to be to unpack the pieces that comprised it. I can recall numerous instances throughout the last few years where my grandparents would bring up the topic of working on forgiving someone from the past only to have me shut them down immediately. I completely understand how hard it can be to go through this process. I’ve experienced it first-hand, and there are going to be periods where you are not ready, and it is still too painful to forgive someone. That’s okay; please extend yourself some grace or even some self-forgiveness for that. Don’t give up, forgiveness is a process, and to some people, it’s an entirely foreign practice. Be patient with yourself. It is not something that you can wake up one day and just force yourself to extend forgiveness to John, Charlie, Donna, Arabella, etc. because it’s been a compilation of 10 years’ worth of angst and your tired of carrying it around. I have been letting go and deconstructing my armor for the better part of the last year. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it to me. Because like the quotes above reference, forgiveness is truly the path to severing the link and completely freeing yourself from that particular person/situation. While you carry that painful memory around, it keeps a piece of you imprisoned, stuck in that specific time period and situation. That stuck energy will continue to poison you spreading and adding layers of anger, disease, hate throughout your body all-around your own soul’s light each day that you carry it with you. If you think I am joking, look around us. A majority of our country has let fear, anger, scarcity be our driving force for the better part of 2020, and now it has grown to such a level that it’s consuming people, causing them to riot and act in despicable incomprehensible ways. This is truly a heartbreaking period in our time. All lives matter! Every single incarnated soul on this Earth matters. That’s a fact, not an opinion. In my opinion, choosing to use the murder of George Floyd as an excuse for allowing that anger, hatred, and fear to result in the desecration, murder, injuries, and crimes that have been committed in his name is atrocious. Instead of shining light on the situation and doing the things (peaceful protests, demonstrating that everyone is valuable and deserving to be loved and treated with respect) that would promote real positive change to give his name a legacy anyone could be proud of, these acts will forever be synonymous with George Floyd’s legacy. That is compounding the crimes committed against George Floyd, not seeking justice. Our culture is full of people harboring deep-seated resentments, anger, and hurt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to continue living this way, with the fear, hatred, and anger in the driver’s seat? Is that how you want to live your life?
Expanding my capacity to forgive and release judgments has been a personal theme for me this year, and I love the results that I’ve had with it. A technique that I have found to be immensely helpful is to remind myself that we are all imperfect human beings trying to live our lives in the best way that we know how to. During this process, we’ve all made mistakes that we’d like someone to forgive us for. So, each time I ask myself if it were me in this situation, wouldn’t I want the person on the other end to offer me forgiveness? This technique has humbled me each time that I’ve employed it because it reminds me that we are all equal here. Not a single one of us is doing everything exactly right, so who am I to hold a grudge against someone for something that I think was wrong? Who am I to judge what is wrong or right for anyone? In my life, the only being that has that kind of power is the creator of all that is because the creator is the only one that has the complete picture. Judging another human being for a perceived offense that they made against me would be similar to judging Leonardo da Vinci’s famous ‘Mona Lisa’ portrait when he only had the first couple of lines on the canvas. Along this same line of thinking, I know that every single one of us is valuable and offers a unique perspective. I may not understand why person A makes the decisions that they do just as they may not understand why I would make the decisions that I do. Still, it is not my job to judge, criticize, or demoralize them for believing and perceiving the world the way that they do. Side note: these situations, where two people have entirely different viewpoints from each other, can be used to expand our perceptions. If you are truly interested in doing so and staying open-minded, you can ask out of genuine curiosity for them to share their perspective with you about why they feel the way that they do. It presents you with an opportunity to see a situation from an entirely new vantage point.
I still have times where I need to ask for guidance from my spirit council and even the creator of all that is to continue to release the cycle of judgment that arises quickly to the surface, but this process is becoming easier, and I feel lighter and more at peace each time I choose to deviate from the past pattern. I feel better emotionally and spiritually after implementing the practice of forgiveness. I’ve found that sharing and extending love to those I have perceived to have wronged me feels better all the way to my soul level than adding a link to my armor ever did. My relationships have improved a great deal as well, but I’ll save that example for another time because this has already gotten longer than I had intended. Please know that I am not judging anyone. I am no better or worse than anyone else on this Earth. I have found my place in the world, and I offer these perspectives and practices up to present a new opportunity for techniques that one can adopt in life should they desire to try and see what changes unfold in their own lives. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest.
Love,
Yara Rose